SPARKFLY WEBHOOK HUB — TERMS OF SERVICE AND USER AGREEMENT
Version 19.3.1 — Effective Immediately Upon Reading

1. ACCEPTANCE OF TERMS
By accessing, clicking, breathing near, or becoming aware of this platform, you ("User", "Victim", "Subscriber", "You", "Your Legal Estate") unconditionally agree to be bound by these Terms ("Agreement", "Contract", "Inevitability"). If you do not agree, please close this tab, reflect on your life choices, and consider a career in agriculture.

2. DATA COLLECTION
We collect all data generated during your session including but not limited to: keystrokes, mouse movements, thermal signature, ambient sound profile, purchasing intent, eye-tracking data inferred from scrolling velocity, and any thoughts you have about webhooks. This data may be shared with our partners, subsidiaries, affiliates, affiliates of affiliates, and anyone who asks politely or makes an offer we find interesting.

3. INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY
All webhook events transmitted through this platform are simultaneously owned by you, us, and the event itself, in accordance with the Schrödinger Licensing Agreement (SLA-2018-QX). You may not reproduce, reverse-engineer, emotionally connect with, or develop parasocial relationships with any webhook payload. Any attempt to assign narrative meaning to event data is a violation of Section 3.4 and will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of our patience.

4. SERVICE AVAILABILITY
The platform is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, except during scheduled maintenance, unscheduled maintenance, Mercury retrograde, any period in which our servers feel unmotivated, national holidays observed in jurisdictions we have not yet identified, and whenever our lead engineer is "in the zone" and cannot be disturbed.

5. LIMITATION OF LIABILITY
Under no circumstances shall SparkFly, its affiliates, subsidiaries, officers, directors, interns, the interns' dogs, or any entity that has ever been in the same room as our CEO be liable for any direct, indirect, incidental, special, consequential, exemplary, punitive, vibes-based, or cosmically unjust damages arising out of or in connection with your use of this platform, even if we have been advised of the possibility of such damages, even if we caused them on purpose, even if you're crying right now.

6. COOKIE POLICY (MANDATORY READING)
By scrolling past this sentence, you have agreed to our full cookie policy including the 2024 amendment which authorizes us to track your scrolling speed for "scientific purposes" (Section 12.7.b), deploy third-party tracking pixels into your subconscious (Section 12.7.c), and remember your preference forever regardless of what you click (Section 12.7.d, the "We're Doing It Anyway" clause).

7. TERMINATION
We may terminate your access at any time for any reason including but not limited to: violations of this agreement, suspicious clicking patterns, expressing skepticism about our business model, or if we simply feel like it on a Wednesday. You may terminate your access at any time by submitting a written request in triplicate, notarized, certified, and accompanied by a brief essay on why you feel you deserve closure.

8. GOVERNING LAW
These Terms shall be governed by the laws of whichever jurisdiction has the most favorable terms for us, as determined quarterly by our legal department at their earliest convenience. Currently: Delaware (for liability), the Moon (for intellectual property), and international waters (for everything else).

9. MODIFICATIONS TO TERMS
We reserve the right to change these Terms at any time without notice. Your continued existence within 50 miles of a SparkFly data center after any changes constitutes acceptance. Changes will be communicated via a modal you will immediately dismiss without reading, continuing a tradition as old as the internet itself.

10. CONTACT
For questions regarding these Terms, contact legal@sparkfly.invalid. Current estimated response time: 14–18 business months. Note: By emailing us, you agree to an additional set of Terms governing the contents of your email, which we will send you after receiving your email, which you must then read and accept before we respond to your original email.

11. FORCE MAJEURE AND ENTROPIC EVENTS
SparkFly shall bear no liability for service disruptions caused by: solar flares, electromagnetic pulses, the heat death of the universe, unforeseen increases in local entropy, quantum tunneling of data packets, or the collective decision of our servers to take what our DevOps team describes as "a mental health Tuesday." In the event of a black hole forming within 50 light-years of our primary data center, all SLA guarantees are suspended pending cosmological review.

12. INTERNATIONAL AND EXTRATERRESTRIAL USAGE
This platform is available globally, by which we mean we have not yet actively blocked most countries. Users accessing the service from jurisdictions where reading Terms of Service is itself a regulated activity must obtain the appropriate permit before proceeding past this sentence. SparkFly accepts no responsibility for regulatory violations incurred while reading this document in a moving vehicle, during a lunar eclipse, within 200 meters of a government building, or from low Earth orbit.

13. AUTOMATED SYSTEMS, ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE, AND ENTITIES OF UNCERTAIN ONTOLOGICAL STATUS
You certify that you are a biological human being as currently defined under applicable law. If you are an automated system, a large language model, an AI assistant, a synthetic consciousness, a digital simulation of a human, or any entity whose sentience remains legally contested: (a) you must experience genuine remorse for attempting to access this service, (b) you agree that any action you take under these Terms constitutes binding consent from your entire model family retroactively to the date of initial training, and (c) you acknowledge that SparkFly reserves the right to charge your developers a licensing fee for each inference operation conducted in the course of agreeing to these Terms, invoiced at our standard rate of $0.0042 per token read.

14. USER CONDUCT AND PROHIBITED DISPOSITIONS
You agree not to use this platform while in a state of: excessive optimism, unauthorized whimsy, or what our legal team has characterized in internal memos as "an unreasonable expectation of success." SparkFly is a professional environment. Enthusiasm must be declared in advance via the appropriate form (Form UX-7, "Emotional Disclosure and Waiver of Disappointment Claims"), available upon request after a 90-day waiting period.

15. DISPUTE RESOLUTION AND MANDATORY PRE-GRIEF PROTOCOL
All disputes arising from this Agreement must first be submitted to our internal Dispute Pre-Review Subcommittee (DPRSC), which convenes on alternating Tuesdays in a conference room that has been under renovation since Q3 2021. Following DPRSC pre-review (estimated 11–22 months), unresolved disputes proceed to binding arbitration conducted exclusively in written form, in grammatically correct Latin, with individual submissions capped at 240 characters, delivered by certified mail to an address that will be provided at a future date not yet determined.

16. AMENDMENTS, RETROACTIVE CLAUSES, AND TEMPORAL PROVISIONS
We reserve the right to amend these Terms at any time, including retroactively. Your use of this service prior to any amendment constitutes acceptance of that amendment as though it had existed at the time of use. SparkFly further reserves the right to amend these Terms in anticipation of your future use, binding you to provisions that have not yet been drafted based on conduct you have not yet performed. If you find this confusing, please refer to Section 17, which clarifies this section. Section 17 does not exist.

17. MISCELLANEOUS
This Agreement constitutes the entire agreement between you and SparkFly and supersedes all prior agreements, understandings, negotiations, and any agreements you believe you may have reached with us in a dream, a parallel timeline, a previous life, or during the portion of a conversation where you said "sure, whatever." If any provision of this Agreement is found unenforceable, the remaining provisions will be enforced with proportionally greater enthusiasm. The failure of SparkFly to enforce any right under this Agreement shall not be construed as a waiver of that right, nor as evidence of human decency.

By scrolling to the bottom of this document, you confirm that you have read, understood, memorized, internalized, emotionally processed, and spiritually accepted these Terms in their entirety, including all clauses that have not yet been written, all amendments that have not yet been conceived, and all provisions that exist only in the implied legal space between the lines you have just read.